Evening Will Come: A Monthly Journal of Poetics (Our Difficult Telling—Issue 61, January 2016)

Gabriel Ramirez

i see Jon everyday. even when he's not around. even when he gone. or dead like he say. reborn & born again are two gangs that don’t beef, just sit on opposite ends of the living room. i annoyed Jon. i got a black & blue eye. i got a bloody nose. i got a busted lip. the water not cold enough to drink. water warm enough to get thrown in my face. Jon & i share a bed for eight years. Jon bruises my arms for eight years. i call it crying. i call it bonding. double sided tape. plastic backboard in the hallway. i get punched in my face. i get loved in my face. double sided tape. i go down the stairs & pee out the window. i go down the stairs & cry out the window. tears fell down six flights. i fell down six flights. i never broke. just splashed. never cried. just laughed. i wrote a suicide note to Jon. Jon laughed. i wrote a joke to Jon. i laugh at loose tooth. i laugh at myself. i wait to get ripped out of my own mouth. i am most afraid of G-D. i am most afraid of Jon. i learned how to spell love in blood. i see Jon in my grandfather’s living room. both of them are gone. one more than the other. one day i will never come back here. these dark places. these mouths full of dead-laughter. these mouths full of love-blood. if i fight back it will just keep happening. it just keeps happening. i cry to our mother. i rat G-D out. G-D got in trouble. G-D knew this would one day happen. G-D laughs. G-D killed himself. G-D born again. G-D both gangs. now he on the roof. knives come out. he dancing with himself so he not really alone. G-D run away. G-D on a poster. it say missing. it say help us find G-D. it say call this number if you find G-D. G-D showed up to my friends house. my friend called the cops on G-D. Jon got admitted to a psych ward. i visit him. i am covered in double sided tape. Jon hugs me. G-D hugs me. arms wrap around me. arms ending in fists.